It’s strange, really. The “Silent Night, Deadly Night” series seems to have a real thing for looking like something that should appear on Lifetime.
In the last movie, it seemed like all the horror, up until Billy completely lost it, could have eventually played out as a drama. Granted, it would have been pretty soap-opera-y, but I suspect that the Lifetime channel has made worse.
And this time around, as the movie opens, we get red credits against a black background, while with a soft piano underscore. If I were sitting in a theater watching it, I would probably wonder, for the first thirty seconds, if I had wandered into the wrong film.
But no, the credits cut into a shot of some dude’s shoes, and there’s the title: “Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.” Which I guess is going to answer all the burning questions left over from part 1. Like, what happened to Ricky? And… uh…
Well, here’s one. Why is it that the two surviving kids ended up in an orphanage together? Why not the foster care system? For that matter, how is it that they had zero surviving relatives to take them in? How did they not get adopted? I mean, sheesh, it wasn’t like the kids were hideously mangled or disease-ridden, or something. They were two cute kids with possible mild emotional trauma.
Someone would have snapped them up in a heartbeat, given the chance.
But anyway. Ricky. What did happen to the little so-and-so who said, “Naughty!” at the end of numero uno?
Well, I guess he wears jeans. And smokes. Because that’s all the camera tells us for like a minute, as it slooowly pans up the guy’s legs. Oh wait, we made it to his face. He has one.
Then we cut over to a door, and a black guy in, like, all-white clothing walks in, carrying a reel-to-reel tape recorder.
Ricky (or rather, the guy I guess we’re assuming is Ricky) drops his cigarette and stubs it out on the floor, while Black Guy in White Clothes plugs the reel-to-reel in.
Ricky lights another cigarette.
The credits list the writer’s names. Four people to write the story. Two people to write the screenplay.
Wow. Just wow.
And now, in contrast to the black guy in all-white clothing, a white guy in a black suit walks in, and loads a tape onto the reel-to-reel. And sets up a microphone. They’re hiding his face.
Until they don’t. He’s very normal-looking. He tells the black guy he can leave now. Then adds, “Now!”
Black suit says, “My name is Dr. Bloom. You can call me Henry.” Or he can call him Doc.
Oh, let’s call him Doc. Why not? It’s fun!
Ricky (yep, its him) resorts to obscenity, to which Doc replies, “Your time is running out, son. I’m your last chance.”
Ricky does some raging, and the black guy comes back in. “I told you to get out!” says Doc.
Ricky sort of grimace-smiles at this.
Black Guy shakes his finger at Ricky, then exits.
Doc tells Ricky to sit down. Then lays out a whole, “You’ll talk, I’ll listen” spiel, noting that Doc is not the first psychiatrist Ricky has seen.
And then, boom, a burn-in: DATE: DEC. 24.
Doc has a burning question: “Who killed your parents?”
Ricky says, “Santa Claus.”
And then, flashback to the first movie! Ricky notes that he was only a baby, and Billy was seven.
I was going to ask the obvious question, which is, “Uh, Ricky, you were a baby when all this happened, how do you remember it?” Only Ricky explains that Billy told him later.
Uh. No. Billy couldn’t remember it, either. They made that super-clear in Part 1. But we’ll just pretend that didn’t happen. Why not?
I’d describe the flashback in detail, but if you really want to know, go back to the last chapter and re-read all the bits about the car stopping for “Santa,” and how that ends with dad shot in the head, mom with her shirt ripped open and throat slit, Billy in a ditch, and Ricky screaming in the back of the car. They replay ALL of that, with only minor cuts to speed up the process a bit.
Ricky concludes the flashback with, “He left us out there to die.”
Which, come to think of it, does answer one of the questions left open by the first movie. Though it doesn’t answer the question of where “Santa” went, or whether he was ever caught. I’m guessing not, since Doc is asking about it.
Doc says, “That was a long time ago. How could you possibly remember all that?”
Ricky says, “Because I was there.” He adds that he doesn’t like Doc’s attitude.
Doc looks at his watch. Ricky asks if he’s wasting the Doc’s valuable time.
Doc asks Ricky to tell him about the orphanage. Ricky says he hated the place. Uh. That’s not really my recollection. Ricky seemed pretty happy with things, up to and including the death of the first Santa. He didn’t really snap until he saw his own brother get shot.
And point of order: Ricky just said, in voiceover, that Billy told him what happened later, in reference to the death of his parents. But then, like five minutes after that, he says that he remembered it, “Because he was there.”
Also, we’re ten minutes and two flashbacks in. This is going to be a slog. Sorry.
Right. So. The flashback. This is the, “Billy tries to put up his violent picture,” scene, followed by Billy being sent to his room.” Okay, and then, here’s the exact line I was thinking of – Superior says, “Simply because something unfortunate happened to his parents, WHICH HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT, is no reason to allow him to unwind.”
Twelve minutes in, folks. Twelve minutes in and this movie has already contradicted itself twice.
The flashback continues. Margaret tells Billy to come outside and play, even though Mother Superior said to go to his room. Billy hears copulation noises in the hallway, and goes to investigate.
He looks through the keyhole and… I swear… sees a totally different couple than we saw in the first movie. Then he flashes back to his mom, Superior shows up, the belt comes out, and Billy runs away.
(I looked it up. It was a different couple. Okay, now, really, people. Just what is the deal here? The director probably had, what, like seventeen minutes to shoot all the new footage? And he blew it shooting a NEW naked scene, when there was already one in the LAST movie?
I realize there’s probably something wrong with everyone who made this movie, but the director has got to have more issues than Time Magazine if he wanted to see live naked people that badly.)
Moments later, Superior confronts Billy, as per the first movie. Then she spanks him with that other dude’s belt, as per the first movie.
We finally come out of the flashback as Ricky says, “She. Was. Naughty.”
To accept that Ricky knows all this, we have to believe that Billy sat his brother down and told him the whole story, moment by moment. Oh, the fun talks they must have had.
Anyway, back in the present, Doc and Ricky kill some screen time with verbal sparring, and Ricky points out that Doc is shrink number thirteen. Doc says that’s his lucky number.
These are the jokes, people. Again, my apologies.
Doc asks if Ricky dreams. Ricky says, “I don’t sleep. But Billy had dreams. Bad dreams.”
So we cut back to Billy having his nightmare in part 1, wherein he flashes back to “that fateful night.”
Everyone catch that? A flashback WITHIN a flashback? Just making sure you’re getting your money’s worth.
Billy wakes up, Superior catches him, and ties Billy to the bed. This makes Margaret sad.
Then we flash a little forward to Superior trying to get Billy on Santa’s lap, followed by Billy decking Santa, and hiding, and Superior finding him.
Ricky says, “No one heard him screaming. But I did.”
The Doc’s first tape runs out. Doc changes the tape. Trust me, it’s not riveting. Ricky even notes, “New tape.” In case we missed every agonizing moment of the tape change.
Doc tells Ricky, “Let’s jump ahead.”
So they do. To ANOTHER flashback. The bit where Billy puts on the Santa suit for the first time. And scares the wee-wee out of the little girl on his lap.
And then, to the bit where Andy-the-stockboy takes the cute girl in the back while Billy watches.
And the shopkeeper and that other chick sing the Christmas song no one has ever heard, while Billy heads to the stockroom to kill Andy and that other girl. I know she has a name, but I refuse to look it up.
Flashback-within-flashback. Billy yells, “Naughty,” and chokes Andy to death. Cute girl freaks, Billy kills her too.
The shopkeeper heads to the stockroom, and gets the hammer to the head.
What’s-her-face, in the store, heads to the stockroom, and sees the dead people. Tries to escape, the door is locked. Tries to call the operator, Billy cuts the phone cord with an axe.
Billy stalks her, she knocks boxes on him, he puts an arrow through her.
Present day! Ricky says, “But it wasn’t his fault. It couldn’t be.” Ricky blames Superior for what Billy did.
Flashback! Babysitter fools around with boyfriend, then goes to let the cat in. Wearing her shorts. Billy jams the antlers through her.
The boyfriend comes upstairs to investigate, there’s tussling, Billy throws him out the window.
(Man, I apologize for all this repetition. I’m trying to shorten it up at least.)
(Also, it’s funny. The boyfriend tries to use the phone, and he gets the operator, and asks for the police, and the operator tells him to dial 911. I swear I have NO memory of that happening in the original footage. Regardless, what kind of idiot doesn’t realize you should dial 911 when you need the police?)
Present day! Doc says that not everyone that got killed deserved to die. Ricky disagrees.
Flashback! To the two useless cops who almost shoot the dad dressed as Santa. Ricky notes, in voiceover, that, “Daddy almost got his present early. But Billy was miles away.”
So we cut to the bit where Billy hides in a ditch while the cops drive by. And then the bit where the bullies steal the sleds. And Billy cuts one of the bully’s heads off.
Ricky says that, “Billy hated bullies.” Sure, dude. Which is WHY HE ONLY KILLS ONE OF THEM.
Anyway, more Flashback! The cop talks to Margaret, and they try to figure out the “pattern” that will allow them to figure out Billy’s next move.
Present day! More verbal sparring between Ricky and Doc. Doc says, “You don’t scare me.” Ricky says, “Not yet.”
Flashback! Not-Billy, dressed as Santa goes walking towards the orphanage, and gets shot three times in the back while Ricky looks on.
In the Present Day!, Ricky reacts every time his name is called in the past.
The Doc says that Billy wasn’t the one killed. Ricky says it was The Janitor. Um, movie? NO IT WASN’T! It was Father O’Brian!
Four people to write the story, six people to write the screenplay, half of the last movie is being recycled and no one could pull out a videotape and check a name?
I feel so cold. It’s like the movie doesn’t care at all about me.
Flashback! Superior is all, “No one is coming in who doesn’t belong here,” while the cop heads outside in search of Billy, the Killer Santa.
He goes down into that freaky shed with the basement, then comes out and gets the axe in the thorax. While Billy yells “Punish.”
Billy cuts the head off the snowman outside. Just so you know he’s evil.
Superior has the kids get ready to sing Deck the Halls. Andrew lets Billy in, Superior tells all the kids there is no Santa Claus, Billy yells out, “Naughty!” a few times, and gets shot in the back.
Billy does his, “You’re safe now,” speech, and the camera pans up to Ricky. Aaaand? “Naughty!”
Only he’s dubbed by the modern Ricky.
Present Day! Ricky adds, “Very naughty.”
Doc says they closed the orphanage after that. Ricky says kindly sister Mary found Ricky a new family. The Rosenbergs. Who didn’t get involved with Christmas.
Mary tells them about his background, but they don’t do Christmas. For obvious reasons.
And now we’re watching Ricky and his new mom, as they walk down the street. Mom stops to talk to someone, and Ricky sees a couple of nuns. He starts to freak out, and tries to get his mom’s attention. He finally does, just as the nuns turn a corner and vanish.
And then, there they are again! They walk into a store, someone sticks a red cloth on the window, and Ricky has a flashback and goes catatonic looking at it. Mom realizes something is wrong and…
Mom and Dad talk to a nun about what happened to Ricky in front of the store. They want information they clearly don’t have. Sister Mary insists that Ricky will be fine once he has a stable family environment.
And bless Mom and Dad’s heart – they want to try and care for the kid.
Time jumps forward, and Ricky is now five years older, and his dad has died, leaving mom a widow. Strangely, he refers to his adoptive father as his “step-dad.” Uh… no. Foster father, adoptive father, something like that, maybe.
Someone needs to tell Ricky that unless his mom came back to life, and got remarried, the guy under the gravestone is not a “step” anything.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s the trauma. Ricky says he took it pretty hard. And that he felt like running away.
In the present day! Ricky says he never told anyone this before. He used to walk the back roads a lot.
So now we get to watch young Ricky as he rambles along a complete lack of path next to some fields in spring. Seriously.
He comes across a guy and a girl having a picnic. Really unattractive people. Being flirtatious. The guy makes a more serious pass. She says no. Then comes the shirt ripping. And the slapping.
And the knee to the man-bits.
In the bushes, Ricky says, “Naughty!”
The guy goes to get a beer from the back of his jeep.
He steps around the front of his jeep, and the horn beeps. Ricky is behind the wheel.
Ricky starts the jeep, and runs over the guy. Then backs up, and runs over him again. He does this a couple of times.
Ricky gets out of the jeep, and there’s a girl, standing twenty or thirty feet away. She says, “Thank you.” And walks away.
Then young Ricky walks away.
And we’re in the present day! Doc writes down, “Red Car” in his notes. He looks up, and he doesn’t see Ricky. Ricky appears from the right-hand side of the screen and asks if he’s going too fast for the doctor.
Ricky asks if Doc ever had kids. The doctor says no. And also that his wife has been dead for a while.
Ricky says, “Too bad.” Then he asks how Doc met his wife. Doc says in college.
Ricky says that his “old lady” couldn’t afford to send him to college. So he got a job. Washing dishes, and taking out the trash.
In yet ANOTHER flashback, Ricky, who is now eighteen, hears a noise in the alley. So he goes to check it out.
In the alley, one really terrible actor beats up another really terrible actor for the crime of lowering the quality of this movie ever further. Which is saying something.
Well, okay, actually it’s because one of the dudes owes the other dude money. I have no idea why. I doubt it matters.
Once the punchee finishes administering a beating to the fellow being punched, he wipes off his face with a red handkerchief. Ricky sees this, and goes into anger mode.
Is everyone picking up on how the color red sets Ricky off? Because if not, I’m just gonna go ahead and tell you. Keep that kid away from barns, folks, or he’ll go ahead and kill everything in sight.
Four times. Once for each wall of the barn.
Other things to avoid include bullfights. And probably Pizza Hut, just to be on the safe side.
Ricky stops the guy, who asks Ricky what he’s looking at. He tells Ricky he’s, “Really asking for it,” and Ricky throws him into a pile of debris. Ricky picks the guy up by the collar, and the dude punches Ricky in the face a bunch of times.
This has no effect.
Ricky reaches into a nearby trash can, and pulls out an umbrella with a tear or five in it. He says, “Naughty,” then jams the umbrella through the guy. To complete the humiliation, Ricky then activates the umbrella, which opens.
Ricky drops the guy on the ground, and goes back to work.
It starts to rain about a second later, and the rain and blood cascade off the still-open umbrella.
Present day! Doc says both of these incidents aren’t in his notes. He’s covered in sweat, so he pulls out a handkerchief and dabs his forehead. Then, slightly panicked, he looks closely at his handkerchief. There’s a red B on it, which lucky for him is facing away from Ricky.
Ricky asks Doc if Doc thought he was going to let them get away with it. Ricky thinks too many people get away with things like that. Ricky concludes, “You’re really starting to get to me Doc. You’re getting real close.”
Doc says, “Then tell me about Jennifer.”
Ricky reacts badly to this.
Doc asks Ricky if Ricky knows why Ricky is there. Then he produces a picture of Jennifer. Ricky says Jennifer is the only thing he ever cared about.
Flashback! Ricky is on a motorcycle, and Jennifer accidentally bumps the back tire of it with her car, and knocks him over. Because she’s cute, Ricky forgives her, instead of looking for something red, so he has a reason to stab her through the heart with a dirty soup spoon.
He says he never wanted to lose her, while onscreen he and Jennifer go for a really, really, really long motorcycle ride.
And then have unclothed fooling-around time. This also takes a while. At least the music is kind of pretty and tinkly. I wonder why no one ever released the scores for these movies? They aren’t bad.
Ricky confesses that it was his first time. And that he thought it was Jennifer’s.
Later, they’re at a movie. Or at least a movie trailer, as the soundtrack is blaring: “Chaos! The motion picture you’ve been waiting for!” And a bunch of other hyperbole.
In the back row, some annoying dude wearing a RED shirt is complaining that the movie hasn’t started yet. Then the movie starts, and the RED shirt guy wearing the RED shirt of REDNESS starts singing along with the theme song. Which has no words.
Ricky turns to look at him. The RED shirt guy asks if Ricky has a problem.
Ricky tries to focus on the movie. With his angry face on. Jennifer tells Ricky that she really likes him, because he’s different. Ricky and Jennifer go to kiss, and the RED shirt guy makes a rude remark.
Ricky asks Jennifer what the movie is about. She tells him it’s great – it’s got a guy who dresses up like Santa Claus and kills people.
Then the movie uses footage from the first movie. Again. It’s the part where the dude in the Santa suit kills the guy at the gas station. This movie just folded over on itself like a cinematic mobius strip. David Lynch probably watches this movie and cries, because he realizes he will never manage to get QUITE THAT META.
Ricky, meanwhile, says, “Punish,” and gets out of his seat. Jennifer seems vaguely bothered by Ricky walking off. But not all that concerned.
Some blonde dude with the worst dye job in history sticks his hands over Jennifer’s eyes, and says, “Guess who?” There is angry banter. Clearly, he’s her ex. His name is Chip. Chip reminds Jennifer that she pledged eternal love in the backseat of his car.
Jennifer reminds Chip that he stood her up, cheated on her, and ruined her best sweater. I know the sweater thing sounds like a joke in the post-Clinton era, but I swear to you, that line is really in the movie.
Jennifer says she would rather die than go out with Chip again. Chip says, “What are you trying to say?”
RED shirt says, “This movie is so bogus.” And goes on to list the various crimes the horror movie they’re currently watching has already committed. Strangely, he’s talking like the movie is basically over, even though about three minutes have passed.
He turns to his friend, who has been replaced by Ricky. Ricky says, “Shh. Naughty.” Then the movie cuts over to Jennifer and Chip, and then back to the moviegoer. Who you can’t really see, because he’s concealed by the seats of the theater. Except for his leg, which is kicking in the air, while the dude makes noises that sound like grunting and/or moaning. Then his legs vanish.
Jennifer looks over and notices a girl who appears to be looking at Chip. That’s Roxanne, Chip’s date. Chip says she’s only temporary, until Jennifer comes back to him. Jennifer brushes him off again, and Chip leaves with Roxanne.
Ricky finally comes back and sits down next to Jennifer. She says they should go. He replies, “No. I’m beginning to like this picture.”
Never mind that there’s at least one dead body lying in the back of the theater.
Some other day, Jennifer and Ricky go for a walk, and bump into Chip who is working on his (are you ready for this?) RED car. I know! RED! Who could have seen that coming?
Chip asks Jennifer if Jennifer misses him. Ricky finally says, “That’s enough!” Chip replies, “That’s what she said…” He also refers to his car as RED. You may recall I said the screenwriter of the first “Silent Night” was something of a dark genius? This movie was written by his cranial trauma-ed cousin.
Ricky grabs Chip by the throat and starts choking him. Then he grabs a nearby car battery charger and attaches it to Chip’s mouth. And turns it on. Chips eyes explode.
Jennifer wants to know what is “wrong” with Ricky. She’s kind of upset about the whole thing. But I have to say, if I were in her shoes, I would think about running right now.
While Jennifer yells at him, Ricky flashes back to Superior saying, “Punishment is good. Punishment is absolute.” For those of you who just got here, he’s flashing back to something that happened to his brother.
Ricky yells out, “Punish.” Jennifer yells out, “Uh-oh,” and runs. Well, she tries to run, anyway. Ricky grabs the antenna off of Chip’s car and strangles her with it before she gets very far.
Ricky looks up, and there’s a cop, gun in hand, who tells Ricky to freeze. The cop has his gun pointed at Ricky, and he keeps walking closer and closer to Ricky until the gun is right in Ricky’s face.
This cop pulled really consistent D-minuses at the police academy, methinks.
Ricky grabs the gun, twists it into the cop’s face, and the gun goes off, leaving a really neat little bullet hole in the cop’s head. Ricky takes the gun and chuckles.
Then he gets all kinds of serious looking and starts walking down the street. A random neighbor runs out of his house, and Ricky shoots him. Another neighbor is taking his garbage cans out to the curb. Ricky looks at him, all insane-like, says, “Garbage day!” and shoots the man through his own trash can.
Ricky keeps on walking and chuckling.
A little girl on a tricycle, wearing a RED ribbon bumps into Ricky. She says, “Excuse me, Mister.”
Ricky says, “That’s okay,” and lets her go by.
A RED car comes up the street. Ricky shoots it three times, it runs into some street debris, rolls all the way over, and explodes into a massive fireball.
Ricky just keeps on walking up the street. Sometimes he laughs like a crazy person. Which, clearly, is the point.
Eventually, he comes to a police “blockade” that consists of two cars and three cops. They tell him to drop his weapon.
Ricky puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger. The gun is empty. I should mention that all the cops yell out to him, “Don’t do it! Don’t be a fool!”
And we’re finally back in the “present” day, with Ricky and the Doc. Ricky laments that he had no more bullets, and that he was young and stupid. Never mind that he’s pretty much the same age now.
Ricky goes on. “And it’s a shame they stopped me before I did what I really had to do… But hey. That’s life.”
Ricky puts out a cigarette on the picture of Jennifer.
“Sorry things worked out this way, Henry. You only wanted to help. I appreciate the effort, though.”
And Doc? Yeah, he’s lying on the table, being all dead. Ricky choked the guy to death with some of the reel-to-reel tape. Meanwhile, the tape machine is still running, with another tape in it.
Ricky concludes, “But between you and me, Doc? I know who’s to blame.”
Ricky walks off-camera, and we can hear a door open, and someone yelling, “He’s loose!” And a bunch of chaos and things being smashed.
On the table, the tape runs out.
But wait! Time has passed. A hand reaches down to turn off the recorder, and a cop tells Sister Mary, “We’ve got a problem sister. He walked out of here six hours ago, and it’s Christmas Eve.”
She reminds him that the orphanage is closed. And Superior had a stroke. She’s retired and lives alone.
The cop admits that Ricky would have to find her, first.
Somewhere out in the city, we hear the sounds of someone single various Christmas songs. And we pan over to Ricky, dressed up in a Santa suit. He dials a pay phone. Someone picks up.
Ricky says, “Merry Christmas. Santa’s back!”
And we cut over to what I guess is Mother Superior, who is still dressed up in her nun’s habit, even though she’s retired. Oh, and also, her face is all mottled by some sort of hideous disease that causes what look like massive bruised lumps to appear on her skin. Or maybe they’re trying to hide the fact that it’s a different actress.
Either way, she hangs up the phone, shaking her head.
Then she wheels her wheelchair over to the TV. The Christmas parade is on. She calls it shameful and sacrilegious. You know, I wonder where they are? Because outside, there’s no snow, and kids are running around in very light coats.
A little wind-up Santa wanders down the sidewalk, and “someone” hits it with an axe.
Inside her house, Superior gets ready to make herself a drink.
Then, BAM, axe through part of the door. Ricky peaks through, and undoes the chain on the door. Then he kicks the door open, even though he could have unlocked it.
Superior is upstairs. Ricky is downstairs.
Ricky calls out, “Mother Superior. I’ve got a present for you!” while going up the stairs.
Ricky tries to get in Superior’s door, while Superior fights back using her wheelchair and some furniture.
Superior runs into another room, locking the door behind her.
Ricky breaks down her the door to the living room, and looks around.
On the TV, the announcer says, “Hey kids! Here comes Santa Claus! He’s gonna find who’s been naughty… or nice!”
Ricky smashes the TV with his axe.
Superior tries to wheel away while Ricky sort of saunters after her. He’s honestly going so slowly I don’t think it counts as stalking.
Superior reaches the top of the stairs, and she’s trying to get out of her wheelchair and into one of those chairs that takes people up and down the stairs, but she knows she’s not going to make it in time, so she just throws herself down the stairs.
Ricky juuust misses hitting her with his axe, and says, “I’m really mad, now.”
Superior drags herself up into a wheelchair on the bottom floor and makes a wheel for it.
Ricky laughs maniacally.
Superior goes into the kitchen and gets herself a big knife. Then she goes LOOKING for Ricky. She tells him, “I am not afraid of you. You’re weak. Just like your brother. Just like your brother, you must be punished!”
Ricky appears in the doorway and says Superior is looking well. Superior replies, “I am your Mother Superior. I raised you from a child! I order you to put that weapon down, and take your punishment!”
Ricky says, “No more punishment.”
Superior: “You are being very, very naughty!”
Ricky: “Naughty this!”
The axe comes up. The axe comes down.
Cop cars appear outside Superior’s house. Cops run into the house. As does Sister Mary.
Mary calls out to Superior, who is sitting at the dining room table, looking kind of waxy. Mary touches Superior, and Superior’s head falls off. Mary freaks out and falls over.
Ricky is standing in the doorway. He yells out something. It sounds like, “Moo!” But that can’t be right.
A couple of cops shoot him, and he flies out the glass-and-wood doors dramatically.
He lies on the ground, sort of dead-like.
The cop bends down to Mary, who is lying on the floor. He says, “He’s gone, sister.” Mary turns her head, and sees Superior’s head lying on the floor.
Outside, Ricky smiles.
And then a Santa hand comes stabbing towards us, which would be impressive if this movie was in 3D. But it’s not.