A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

The longer this series goes on, the more I’m convinced there was no one behind the wheel. I realize that the magic of the serial killer movie is that the guy never really dies, and just keeps coming back again and again and again, but really now:

First movie – Freddy is stopped using dream methods. Which didn’t work, so okay.

Second movie – stopped with the power of love. Everyone pretends it never happened.

Third movie – bones buried in consecrated ground.

Fourth movie – saw himself in a mirror.

Now, you CAN argue that Freddy didn’t actually die any of those times. He was just temporarily stopped.

To which I say: Um. Why?

Did he just decide to take a break for a while? Kick back, let people think they had won? Did he need a little vacation?

Ugh.

You know what, let’s just go ahead and find out what ridiculous reason he has for coming back this time.

I’m going to note, for the people that care, that while the title of Nightmare 5 arrives on video boxes as, “A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child,” the actual movie makes no reference to the 5 in the title.

Just. You know. FYI.

After we get the title, we get a hand on some sort of moving flesh, but I really couldn’t tell you what flesh it was. A torso? I’ve got nothing.

Then we get a foot over some legs. Hands. Hair. This is all under a blue light, by the way.

Some more unidentified body parts. Creepy music. I guess maybe that was someone’s back?

Oh. Hey. Kissing. That one I know, at least. I think we’re watching Alice and Dan, but seriously, blue light.

Okay, whatever they were doing, they’re done now. So Alice gets out of bed and goes to take a shower. I guess she feels defiled. I have no idea.

As Alice showers, the water from the drain starts bubbling up. Then it starts bubbling up with brown water. Looks like someone upstairs flushed.

Alice tries to clear the drain. The water gets hot. The shower starts filling up. Now it’s just a big rectangle filled with water.

Alice pushes the door open, and leaps out. The water stays in place.

Alice lands on a cement floor. Things are looking boiler-room-area-ish.

No, wait. Now Alice is in a nun’s habit. Instead of naked. She keeps walking.

Ah. It’s an asylum. And there’s the man who would be Freddy, out of Freddy makeup.

Then things happen kind of quick. Two orderlies stand on a platform above all the crazy people. One of them is counting, and not doing a very good job.

Alice looks at her nametag. It says Amanda Krueger.

One orderly turns to another and says, “That’s enough. It’s a hundred.”

They leave. Alice screams, “No!”

But it’s too late. One nun. 100 maniacs. If you’ve been paying attention, you all know where this is going.

Alice screams and wakes up. Dan says something. No, wait. Not Dan. Freddy. Or I guess it would be Freddy’s dad, in the nun scenario. Alice freaks, the dream ends again, and this time, no Daddy-Freddy.

(I would like to point out that this kind of proves my point. Science dictates that Freddy only had one dad…)

Alice goes to take a shower, but it sort of freaks her out.

Then it’s graduation time. Someone is giving a speech. Dan, maybe? Is he the valedictorian? Really? Why do I doubt that?

Well, no. He appears to just be giving some kind of post-graduation speech to whoever wants to listen.

Then the movie tosses a bunch of new meat… no, sorry… uh… characters? Sure. Those. They toss a bunch of new characters at us. Greta, the “model.” Mark, the screw-up. Some other girl, who swims, so she’ll have keys so they can party later.

And there’s Dan and Alice. Alice is sad because her dad didn’t show up. No, wait, he did. He says he watched from under the bleachers, so she wouldn’t be embarrassed by his formerly drunken existence.

Everyone gathers together with their family members and takes a photo.

Oh yeah. Somewhere in there Dan and Alice talk for ten seconds about Alice having a bad dream, and about how if Alice doesn’t dream about Freddy, he can’t come back.

Plus, Dan presents Alice with two tickets to Paris. Apparently, it’s going to be a great summer.

Later, Dan and Alice make out in the parking lot, until Alice’s dad shows up. Dan says goodbye all polite-like. He jokes about having Alice back by “August.” Tee-hee.

Alice heads to work. She walks across the park to do so, and as she does, there are some kids jumping rope and (everyone knows where this is going, right?) doing the Freddy chant.

And screwing it up again. “Seven, eight BETTER stay up late?” What, someone couldn’t slip the screenwriter a copy of the last four movies? I mean, clearly they mentioned the whole hundred maniacs thing, you’d think this would be easy enough to remember.

The park gets dark. Alice follows the kids who were doing the chant as they run through the somewhat wooded area.

Alice finally catches up to one of rope-jumpers just as she recites some more revised verse, “Seven, eight, better stay awake. Nine, ten, he’s back again.”

The kid runs off, the camera spins around Alice, and now she’s looking at a large set of stairs, with a nun running up them.

The stairs lead to a massive gothic cathedral-like thing.

Alice heads up the steps, following the nun. She goes into the “castle.” She walks down a long corridor. She’s the only one there.

At the end of the hall, a freaky-looking baby carriage rolls by. Alice goes that way, but passes by the carriage and heads upstairs.

Suddenly she appears to “slip,” and then she’s lying on a gurney as an orderly wheels her down a hall.

A doctor looks at her, and tells her not to be afraid. The camera spins some more, and now Alice is no longer on the table. She’s standing among the various doctors and nurses and nuns, looking at Amanda Krueger, who’s about to give birth.

“We have a breach birth here. It’s backward. We’re going to have to turn it around,” says the doctor.

Amanda is freaking out. But you probably guessed that.

The doctor has Amanda push. There’s an icky noise. The doctor and the nun look at the “baby,” and get all freaky about it. The nun tries to convince Amanda that this is one of God’s creatures. Amanda disagrees.

The baby tumbles to the floor, and we finally get to see that it’s all angry-and-Freddy-looking.

It looks over at Alice, and moves towards her. Alice pushes her way out the door, and then back in. Everyone is gone.

Alice walks through the door. Now she’s in the church where she last fought Freddy.

The Freddy-baby is lying on his pile of clothes he left behind at the end of the last movie. He starts screaming. The church starts to explode and crumble. Freddy-baby crawls into his clothes and the clothes start to twist and expand.

Alice tries to avoid getting smushed by falling church.

A damaged Freddy stands up. Things explode. Freddy goes flying. So does Alice.

Alice gets up and walks through the church.

Freddy reaches down, and slips his glove back onto his hand.

He stands up, looking all backlit, and says, “It’s a boy!”

Alice says she locked Freddy up. Freddy says he found a key. I’d complain that nothing like that even remotely happened, but what’s the use?

The church doors open, and hey! A nun! The nun says, “Your birth was a curse on the whole of humanity.”

I was going to summarize the rest of what she says, but trust me, you’ll just want to read it: “I will not allow it to happen again. You brought me back to give you life. But now, I must take yours.”

Freddy says we’ll see.

She goes on, “I must be released from my earthly prison. Look for me in the tower.”

The doors close. Freddy tells Alice that Alice will never find her.

Alice runs through the doors… and into her old diner.

So… let’s recap for a moment. Alice has friends. Alice is with Dan. Freddy apparently brought his own mother “back” so that he could come back, only I guess his mom can kill him. And Alice has to find mom and release her from her earthly prison.

Oh, I’m sorry. It’s not her old diner. It’s just the diner. Someone taps Alice on the shoulder.

It’s Anne. Who we’re just meeting.

Alice is four hours late, and Anne is mad. Anne leaves. We will never see Anne again.

Alice makes a phone call.

Over at the pool, Yvonne has let everyone in the senior class in, and it’s party central. Yvonne dives while everyone else sits around drinking beer and talking about the fact that Dan’s parents are displeased with his decision to take Alice to Paris for the summer.

Oh, and Mark doesn’t like blood, and Greta is not happy that her mom is trying to run her life.

Some random guy lets Dan know that he has a phone call. Dan takes it. It’s Alice, who says that Freddy is back, that Alice saw him while she was awake, and he “must have dreamed himself up.”

You have got to be kidding me.

Dan gets in his truck and races to help Alice. He turns on the radio. The dude on the radio says he’s taking calls. Dan “blinks,” which I guess indicates he’s falling asleep. Only maybe he doesn’t have to.

Should I presume this is all going to make sense later? Probably not, right?

The person calling in to the station is Dan’s mom, who has some unsavory things to say about Dan and Alice. The other voice on the radio says that if Dan was his son, he’d kill him.

Is the voice Freddy? Naturally.

Dan’s seat belt gets all windy and starts jerking Dan around. His foot is forced down on the pedal, and the truck zips around out of his control. Freddy appears on the other side of the truck. He’s got his own steering wheel.

Freddy pulls off his own arm, attaches it to the truck, and uses it to buckle himself in.

The truck crashes. Dan flies through the windshield, and into… the poolhouse he was just in. Only no one is there.

A phone rings, and Dan runs away from it.

He runs back out to the parking lot, and looks for a vehicle to steal. First he considers a truck, then he changes his mind and takes a motorcycle.

Here’s a question for Dan. If he knows Freddy is around, he should also know he’s asleep. Rather than taking a vehicle to no useful end, why not try to WAKE HIMSELF UP?

Ah well.

Dan drives. He goes fast. Things seem to be going well until every single cable and wire in the motorcycle starts stabbing themselves into Dan.

Except for the mess of cables that form into Freddy’s face. And then start shouting out various one liners that aren’t really all that funny. “Fuel injection! Power drive! Fast lane!”

Really. He uses all of those. And more.

Freddy concludes with, “Better not dream and drive!” as Dan and his stolen motorcycle go hurtling towards an oncoming vehicle.

In the diner, Alice goes to fill up a coffee cup. She turns as she hears Dan screaming, and the area behind her becomes what I guess is a giant throat as Freddy “swallows” Dan.

We get a short real-world shot of Dan, still in his truck, crashing into another vehicle.

Alice runs outside. The crash happened about a block from the diner. Alice runs to the two flaming vehicles. A man in an orange sweater and a hat jumps out and says that Dan came out of nowhere.

Alice looks over at the other truck, and there’s Dan, who’s pretty dead, except for when he sits up and asks, in Freddy’s voice, if Alice wants to make babies.

Elsewhere, Alice wakes up. Yvonne hugs her. He tells Alice that Dan is dead. Alice tells Yvonne that Freddy killed Dan. Alice’s dad arrives, and Alice also tells her dad that Freddy killed Dan.

A doctor in the room says that this kind of shock is very common “in women.” Why just women? Well, here’s the bombshell that was pretty much spoiled in the title of the movie: Alice is pregnant.

(Really, this whole movie is basically an anti-premarital coitus screed, when you think about it. “Don’t get it on young, or your unplanned baby may start entering dream states that end in unseemly deaths for your friends.”)

Alice is in a hospital, by the way. In case the doctor didn’t give it away.

Later, Alice attempts to sleep, which is kind of stupid if you think about it for even a second.

She sits up. There’s a young boy in the hallway. His name is Jacob. He says he’s sorry that Alice’s boyfriend got killed. Alice says she always loved the name Jacob. Jacob wanders off.

You know, I’m not going to say the other movies were intellectual treats, but this one is just insulting. You do realize that later in the movie they’re going to do a big reveal. Whoa, nelly! Jacob is Alice’s son! Freddy is using his dreams! Duuude!

I’m not saying it’s an un-clever premise. I’m just saying that trying to fake us out is sort of a downer. Expect more from us, movie!

And now we move over to Greta “the model,” who is looking at all of her porcelain dolls and crying over the big group photo they all took just a few hours ago. Guess she hit the one-hour photo place, since it’s like 5 hours later.

Greta’s mom tells her to get her beauty sleep, because I guess the death of her good friend shouldn’t weigh on her, like, TOO hard.

Greta puts her doll up on a shelf, and it falls off and the head shatters right on top of the photo.

The next morning, Yvonne walks Alice out of the hospital. Alice mentions Jacob, and asks if Yvonne visited her. Yvonne says that there are no kids on Alice’s floor, and no children’s ward.

That’s so STRANGE, huh? I wonder what THAT’S about?

Yvonne tells Alice to keep the dreaming thing just between the two of them.

One scene later, Alice lays out the history of Freddy to all her friends, including the “he uses my dreams to get his victims” part.

They point out that she wasn’t asleep, and that they’re all here for her. Oh, and they’re semi-congratulatory about the baby.

Later, Alice stands in her kitchen and cries. Her dad arrives home with groceries and says, “Buck up, little soldier.”

Okay, he doesn’t do that. He says he’s not disappointed in Alice about the baby, and that he hopes it’s a boy, because he’d love to hear the sound of boy-feet running around the house again.

It’s kind of Lifetime drama-y, but it may be the most heartfelt and kind-of-beautiful scene in all five of these movies.

I was going to lay out the next scene in a longer form, but I just can’t be bothered, because once again it’s so obviously a dream from the word “go” that you kind of want to claw your eyes out.

Long story short: Greta dreams that she’s at a big dinner party, where her shrew of a mom is insisting that she eat. Freddy traps Greta in a chair and proceeds to force-feed her until her face gets all huge and puffy.

Then there’s a strange intercut that shows that the force-feeding is happening in a “dream” world, but that Greta really is at a dinner party. Oookay.

At Alice’s house, Alice reaches into the fridge and discovers that all the food is rotting at high speed.

Greta pops out of the fridge. Alice tries to pull her all the way out. Freddy pulls Greta in and the door slams shut.

Back at the dinner party, it appears that Greta really was, like, totally at a dinner party. She stands up, coughs, and dies. This appears to make the partygoers upset. Bummer for them.

At her house, Alice opens the fridge again and sees that everything is back to normal.

Alice and Yvonne go to visit Mark at his job. He works at a warehouse. I guess. Actually, that gets pretty unclear. I’ll try to explain.

Here’s what happens, at any rate. Alice tells Yvonne and Mark that Freddy got Greta, again, even though Alice wasn’t asleep. Alice figures Greta fell asleep at the table and Freddy got her.

Yvonne points out that Alice’s only rule, that Alice must be asleep, is being violated, so Alice’s theory holds no water. Matt gets all angry and says that two people have died in the last two days, so he’s ready to listen to theories.

Yvonne heads to work.

And then I get confused, because Matt seems to take Alice into some back room somewhere, where he’s got a drawing board and a bunch of comics that he’s been drawing. So I’m thinking someone in Matt’s family owns the place, and lets Matt draw there, since they’ve got the space.

Except, there’s a place to sleep there. And Matt wanders over to it and falls asleep while Alice is making coffee. Never mind that he already knows that sleep is, like, a really bad thing.

While Mark sleeps, Alice sees that Mark has drawn Nancy’s house. Alice leans over, grabs a red marker, and makes a stick figure with the name “Alice” written over it.

On the page, Mark, who is drawn in pencil, walks into Nancy’s house.

Why Alice doesn’t try to WAKE MARK UP is left a mystery.

Instead, Alice closes her eyes, and when she opens them, she’s in front of Nancy’s house. The real one, not the drawing. Guess the animation was too expensive.

She starts to head up the stairs, but hears Mark calling to her. She runs to another room downstairs, and there’s Mark, in a hole in the floor, hanging in Freddy’s “throat.”

Alice tells Mark to run, and he does, until he sees blood, gets nauseated, passes out, hits the floor, and vanishes into thin air.

Alice looks back into the room behind her, and there’s Jacob. He’s looking away from her. He says hello. He tells Alice he’s been having bad dreams. He says he’s waiting for someone.

Jacob says some stuff, then we get THE BIG REVEAL. Jacob says, “I like you. Why don’t you like me?”

Only Alice doesn’t get it at first, because she is dumb. She asks who told Jacob that she didn’t like him. He says, “My friend with the funny hand.”

Jacob runs away. He heads up the stairs.

Alice follows him up the stairs, opens a door, and there’s Mark. On the floor. And I guess we’re back in the real world, though there isn’t anything that indicates that fact. She wraps Mark’s bleeding hands in cloth.

He tells Alice to go see Yvonne at the hospital, where Yvonne works. He then says he’s going to go find information on Freddy.

Alice goes to the hospital. She talks to Yvonne. Yvonne thinks Alice is nuts, still.

No matter. Yvonne still has the doctor come in and perform an ultrasound, which they attempt to wave away as not totally silly by using poor exposition. I’ll spare you.

The big, important factoid is, of course, that babies spend up to 70% of their day dreaming. There’s a fun fact to share at your next gathering. Fetuses are totally lazy!

Right. So. Alice keeps looking at her ultrasound, while Yvonne gets her file and the doctor wanders away from her. Suddenly, electric fuzziness oozes out of the ultrasound monitor, covering Alice.

Alice “slides” down Freddy’s throat, into… a womb, I guess. A tiny fetus floats around, being all fetus-y. Freddy’s face appears, and then tosses some souls down the kid’s food tube.

Alice wakes up, all freaked out. Or maybe she doesn’t wake up. Becomes self-aware? No idea.

The doctor assures her that the baby is in great shape. Oh, except the baby is “a little big” at this point.

Yvonne comes back, and Alice tells her that Freddy is feeding the baby souls. I don’t even know how that works.

Yvonne takes Alice home, and they keep on arguing about whether or not Freddy is real. Mark shows up, with a massive scrapbook o’ evidence. Yvonne opts to continue not believing, and leaves.

Alice says she knows now that Freddy is using the baby’s dreams. This took her 55 minutes of screen time, which means the audience has now had about 30 minutes of screaming, “Come on! Figure it out and move on!”

You know what would be a great ending, at this point? If Alice just stuck a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. Boom. All done. No her, no baby, Freddy goes away forever and ever.

But they don’t talk about that. Nope. They talk about not having the baby. Which would almost work, except ALICE IS THE CONDUIT OF DOOM .

Alice says she can’t terminate her pregnancy. She continues, “He’s part of me and Dan. I want to keep him.”

Mark then takes a shotgun and blows Alice’s head off, thereby saving hundreds of lives, including his own.

No, wait. Sorry. He says, “Okay, then we’ll find another way.”

Mark deserves whatever death comes to him. I’m guessing he’s going to get cut up, a LOT. I’m really okay with that now.

Alice picks up a newspaper clipping that features Amanda Krueger. Alice realizes that she knows that face, but doesn’t bother to remember that she’s supposed to be looking for Amanda in “the tower.” She’s too busy not killing herself, which would end Freddy’s reign of terror.

Alice’s dad calls her downstairs. Dan’s parents are there. They want to adopt the baby and raise it. They think Alice might be too crazy to raise a kid. The doctor called them and said that Alice is talking like a nut.

Alice and Mark leave.

They go back to Mark’s place, wherever THAT is, and start talking about Amanda. It seems she “went crazy” after Freddy’s trial. She went to the asylum (the same one where she was left for a weekend and impregnated? Yeah, that’d make ME crazy, too.) and she hung herself there.

Except there was no body. So I have no idea why everyone assumes she hung herself…

No matter. The grave everyone knows and loves is empty. And Mark thinks that if Amanda did kill herself, then her soul is trapped in torment. He found it in a book called “Christian Mythology.”

Alice figures that Freddy killed her. She decides to go to sleep while Mark watches her.

She gets up on Mark’s bed and lies down, while Mark keeps reading the Mythology book. Yeah. That’ll keep him awake just great.

Yvonne goes to the pool. One of her friends says she missed practice. Yvonne asks if the pool is still open.

Why is Yvonne suited up if she doesn’t even know if the pool is open?

No matter. She gets into the hot tub, and slowly submerges herself.

Alice sleeps while Mark watches. He’s moved to reading comics. Much better plan.

In her dream, Alice runs down a hallway, calling to Amanda. There’s no answer. She climbs a bunch of wooden steps. At the top is a wall with no door.

Yvonne gets out of the hot tub and looks around. Freddy’s claws scratch on a metal pole nearby.

Yvonne gets up on the high board and prepares to dive, only the board rips apart and becomes a bunch of metal claws. Yvonne backs up, then leaps off the board into the pool. Only it’s all dream-logic-y, so she ends up trapped in the bottom of a round metal room with water on the bottom of it.

In Alice’s dream, she leans against the wall, everything tilts, and she rolls along the wall and through a metal door, which takes her wherever Yvonne is.

Yvonne isn’t there. But Freddy is. He does some taunting, and pulls Yvonne out of the water. Alice stabs him in the mouth with a metal pole, and he falls back.

Alice and Yvonne get out of the room, and Freddy won’t come out. He’s afraid of Amanda, so I guess the tower is off-limits. Or something. No clue.

Yvonne finally realizes that Alice isn’t crazy. Way to go, Yvonne.

Back at his place, Mark keeps on reading comic books. He opens one up, and it contains a bunch of drawings of different things we’ve seen in the movie. Including Mark, lying on the floor, reading a comic book.

Meta, dude!

Mark realizes this is A Very Bad Thing, and then he converts into a bunch of line drawings and vanishes into the comic.

Inside the comic, a bunch of pages float around. And Mark is just Mark again, with no pencils. Oh, I take it back. Everything is in shades of gray, except Mark. And the occasional object some teamster didn’t finish painting before shooting time.

Mark runs. Freddy chases him. On a skateboard. You know what’s scary? NOT Freddy on a skateboard, I can tell you that much.

(Okay, I need to stop for a second. Here’s the thing. Robert Englund, the man who plays Freddy, seems like the nicest man in the world. Really. The guy put up with a lot to play Freddy across two decades and eight movies. He’s a working actor, appearing in whatever pays the bills. He created the character of Freddy along with Wes Craven, and then watched as one director after another made his character look really, really, really stupid.

And yet, it seems like the man never said no.

Dress him in drag? Sure! Make him ride a skateboard? You bet! Awful one-liners? Okey-dokey doggy daddy!

Quite literally the only person in all the movies, the one who might have exhibited some sort of control over this iconic character, didn’t care that they stuck him in sunglasses and had him walk up the beach like he was in Miami Vice.

Robert, if you’re out there – I love you, man. I do. I hope to work with you some day, in some capacity.

But just once. Once! Couldn’t you have said: “Guys, I’m not going to ride the skateboard. Can’t you think of something scary?”)

Freddy is just about to slash Mark, when I guess he decides not to. Instead he vanishes, leaving Mark looking around, feeling all freaked out.

All the shelving (Is this supposed to be the warehouse?) crumbles to the ground.

Blood drips on his head.

Mark looks up. Freddy is up on some shelves, operating Greta’s dead body (soul?) like a puppet. Mark says to leave her alone.

Greta falls to the floor, where she shatters like a porcelain doll, leaving a smear of blood.

Freddy jumps down. Mark turns around. He’s now dressed up like the comic book character he’s spent most of the movie drawing. He shoots Freddy a bunch of times.

Freddy falls down. Then he laughs, and gets up, and now his sweater has a big old lightning bolt across it. And he looks all buff.

Mark shoots him a bunch more times, but the bullets just fly off of Freddy. Finally, Freddy slashes him, Mark turns into a paper cutout version of himself, and Freddy proceeds to slice him up unto confetti.

In the real world, Mark is all dead and cut up and bloody.

Alice wakes up and gives us a solid, “Mark! Nooo!”

Yvonne wakes up from her nap, which took place underwater in the whirlpool. And she gets out of the whirlpool.

Alice talks to a cop, who says she’s lucky she’s alive, because “nothing in that room was up to code.” Even the drawing board?

Alice says, “He needs me alive,” and the cop is all, “Wha?” and her dad says she’s just upset.

Yvonne arrives and wants to know where Mark went. Alice tells her that Freddy got him, and that they need to find Amanda.

Alice’s dad leads her away.

Alice tells Yvonne to find Amanda in the asylum.

Yvonne heads to the asylum. Which is strange, because the whole thing appears to be closed. Wasn’t it just the one wing that was supposed to be closed? Of course it was. But never mind.

Yvonne heads into the building.

Back home, Alice goes to sleep, which allows her to go to the asylum in, like, her mind. She does some Freddy taunting.

In the real world, Yvonne goes up the real wooden stairs and finds the door that was bricked over. She takes a metal pole she found on the ground and starts breaking in.

In her mind, Alice tricks Freddy into walking down a hallway. She takes the evil baby carriage and rams it into him, which causes various pointy parts to jam through him. She pushes him until he goes through a door and falls into the main crazy-person floor, where the 100 maniacs of legend start pulling parts of him off.

One of them tosses an arm on the floor, which turn into spiders. One of the spiders attacks Alice. Alice freaks.

She tries to stomp on various spiders.

Alice hears something. It’s Freddy. He’s talking to Jacob in the cathedral from the last movie. He takes Jacob’s hand.

Alice tells Jacob to run. He does. The various stairs get all M.C. Escher-y, and part of the floor becomes Alice’s diner. Dan walks out and calls to Jacob, only he’s actually Freddy and no one is fooled.

Finally, Alice and Jacob are reunited.

Alice asks where Freddy is, and Jacob says he’s hiding inside Alice.

You see what I’m saying? One shotgun, one shell, one Alice, problem solved? Yeah.

Alice tells Freddy he needs to get out, and Freddy starts climbing out of her, limb-by-limb. I’d say that it doesn’t really make much sense, but whatever. Who cares at this point?

In the real world, Yvonne breaks through the bricks and gets into the hidden room. There’s a woman in a nun’s habit there, with her back to Yvonne. Also some pigeons, so there was probably an easier way into the room. Like a window.

Yvonne goes to the nun, who is in a really, really, really white habit, which is impossible, since it’s also a rotted-to-the-bones corpse. Amanda turns, her bones get all spirit-like, and she says, “Thank you.” Then her bones turn to dust, I guess, because they just vanish.

Amanda goes to the big Alice/Freddy showdown, which, did I mention, takes place in a room that part M.C. Escher, part boiler room, and part whatever other kinds of freaky architecture they could dig up.

Amanda appears at the top of a set of stairs and calls to Jacob: “Alice will not triumph. Only you can help her now.”

Jacob turns around, looking more like Freddy, complete with some burn-y bits. He asks Freddy to leave Alice alone, concluding with, “Teach me?”

Freddy tosses Alice aside. Amanda tells Jacob to, “Unleash the power he has given you.” Jacob spits something at Freddy. Souls, maybe?

They shoot out, and through Freddy, and we get to watch a bunch of rubber-head-looking things yank on Freddy until… I dunno. He falls apart and turns back into the freaky-looking Freddy-baby thing.

Amanda picks up the Freddy-baby, and it vanishes in a flash of light. Into her womb.

Alice picks up Jacob-baby, and he also vanishes in a flash of light. Into her womb.

Amanda tells Alice to take her baby and leave. She goes up to a heavily backlit door, and a Freddy-arm punches through her belly and screams, “Let me out!” A lot.

Then a bunch of doors in front of Amanda close, and are blown out, and close, and are blown out, until one of them finally stays closed.

And then it’s months later, and Alice, her dad, Jacob Daniel and Yvonne are having a picnic. There some banter about how Jacob is keeping Alice up at night, but who cares. Where’s our final scare?

Ah, here we go. The camera pulls back, and there’s a girl jumping rope and humming the Freddy chant. The end.

Oh boy, more rap! I guess the good news is, Freddy isn’t the one doing it this time.