Friday, May 21, 2010

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

The opening they liked so much they decided to run with it twice.

Once again, lads and lassies, the opening scrawl:

“On the afternoon of August 18th, 1973, five young people in a Volkswagen van ran out of gas on a farm road in South Texas. Four of them were never seen again. The next morning the one survivor, Sally Hardesty-Enright, was picked up on a roadside. Blood-caked and screaming murder.

Sally said she had broken out of a window in Hell.

The girl babbled a mad tale: a cannibal family in an isolated farmhouse… chain-sawed fingers and bones… her brother, her friends hacked up for barbecue… chairs made out of human skeletons… Then she sank into catatonia.

Texas lawmen mounted a month-long manhunt, but could not locate the macabre farmhouse. They could find no killers and no victims. No facts; no crime.

Officially, on the records, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre never happened.

But during the last 13 years, over and over again reports of bizarre, grisly chainsaw mass-murders have persisted all across the state of Texas. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has not stopped. It haunts Texas.

It seems to have no end.”

We are slightly over a minute into the movie and already it makes no sense at all.

Even if Sally fell into a coma? Yeah. The dude who picked up Sally in the truck picked her up at the end of the cannibal household’s driveway. Also, there’s an 18-wheeler that’s parked right in front of it. And a dead body in the road.

The house has got to be pretty tough to miss. Even if they go to Sally’s grandfather’s old house, and follow the footprints between those two sheds, they’re going to find the house o’ evil.

I can only assume the cops are all deaf, dumb, blind, have lost their sense of smell, and are incapable of touch.

Here’s another question – why was it called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre before, and now it’s a single word: Chainsaw? What happened?

As for Sally’s last name, her grandfather’s house was referred to as “The old Franklin place” in the first movie. So was Franklin her last name? Was her brother Franklin Franklin? Or do they call houses by first names in Texas?

Either way, why does her last name appear to be different now?

Whatever. Let’s just keep on keeping on.

Up next? Two full minutes of credits. This flick is just awash in text. Thankfully, no one reads the credits to us. Though I guess that could have an entertainment value all its own.

Finally, we get actual moving pictures. No, wait, it’s just a shot of some mailboxes next to the road. A car drives by. Someone in it shoots the mailboxes.

Welcome to Texas.

The car keeps driving. There are two dudes in it. The driver keeps driving. The passenger keeps on shooting signs as they drive by them.

Then we move over to a radio station. A woman named Stretch is doing her DJ thing, and answering a phone. She has a conversation, but I can’t see how it could possibly play into the plot, so I’ll skip it.

Then the boys in the car call Stretch, and they say some things about the senior girls at their school, which I’m also not going to repeat because I feel very strongly that these guys will be dead soon.

The boys continue to stay on the phone with Stretch as the driver points out a truck coming the opposite direction. He decides to play “Chicken” with the oncoming vehicle.

They zoom into the oncoming lane, and go back and forth, staying in front of the truck, which finally goes off the road to avoid crashing into them.

The guys think this is hilarious.

In the DJ booth, Stretch tries to figure out how to get them off the line. Apparently, just hanging up the phone won’t work. So Stretch hassles the other guy in the station to make the boys go away.

On the road, the truck spins around, and it looks like it’s going to give chase, but it doesn’t do so right away.

The boys drive by a sign that says, “See Texas Battleland Amusement Park, 7 Miles Ahead.”

They shoot the sign and keep on driving.

Time goes by. Night falls. Stretch just keeps on DJ-ing. The phone rings. It’s the boys again. She tells them to hang up, but once again, they don’t, and their prattle keeps going over the air.

How did these two dudes afford a car phone in the late 80s, anyway?

Darkness has fallen. The boys drive. They go to cross a bridge. A truck, coming the opposite direction, cuts them off on the bridge. The boys stop their car.

They call the dudes in the truck names, and tell them/him to back up.

The truck does back up, and the boys move forward.

Only the truck, still in the opposing lane, keeps pace with them while driving backwards. I’m not sure that’s even possible, but I guess complaining about realism at this point would be a lost cause.

Sooo… the boys drive forward, the truck drives backward, and everyone keeps pace. The boys get freaked out.

Someone stands up on the truck, wearing what looks like a false head in front of their actual head. The boys get more freaked out. A chainsaw appears, and is revved.

The boys start screaming.

The chainsaw starts slashing. The boys narrowly avoid being harmed.

Stretch tells the boys to hang up their phone. Instead of, say, asking where they are so she can dial 911 and say there’s a murder happening, like, right now.

The driver tells the gun-toting dude to shoot the man with the chainsaw. Gun-toting dude shoots, and knocks over the false head. Behind the real head is Leatherface.

Not sure why Leatherface felt he needed a fake head in front of his own, already-masked face. No matter. Leatherface starts using his chainsaw to put even more hurt on the boys and their car.

The gunman fires again, and says that Leatherface “missed.” Only Leatherface actually cut off the top of the driver’s head. Which falls off. Then his head spouts blood.

Then we get to watch Stretch while she listens to the car crash through the phone. The “phone” goes dead. Stretch asks her partner-in-radio, L. G., what happened. He says he has no idea.

The next day, the Sheriff takes a look at the smashed-up car. He notices the deep grooves carved into the door.

Other official-looking people show up, and tell the Sheriff to gets away from the accident scene. Only they don’t call him Sheriff, they call him Lieutenant Enright.

One of the official-looking dudes gives us the exposition. It seems that Enright’s brother’s kids were the ones that went missing, all those years ago. The official dude says it was 14 years ago. The scroll at the start of the movie said 13 years ago.

These two sequences happen 12 minutes apart. Did no one catch that little gaffe?

Enright says, hey, one of these kids sawed his head off going 90 miles per hour.

Wow. That would mean the truck was going backwards doing 90. Why am I thinking that’s impossible?

There’s some bluffing, and Official Dude says he can put Enright on a plane back to Amarillo. And get him out of Dallas.

Enright says Official Dude should go ahead and try that.

Enright says he wants this story in the paper. Official Dude says he’ll get the story in the paper.

At a local hotel, Stretch goes to visit Enright at a hotel. She’s brought him a tape of the call.

For whatever reason, Enright isn’t all that excited. He thinks that Stretch is going to “get in his way.” Then he gives a speech about how he has no fear, and how the people he’s dealing with “live on fear.”

Well, first of all, they live on human flesh, but maybe fear makes it self-basting or something.

Stretch, of course says she wants to do this because she wants to do something real, not just play head-banging music. Really? Oingo Boingo was considered head-banging music?

Who knew? Certainly not Oingo Boingo.

At any rate, Enright kicks Stretch out of his room, never mind the fact that he was looking for witnesses and got one. Kind of.

As he sends her away, he says, “Adios,” and the subtitles say, “Speaking In Spanish.” Really, subtitles?

The scene concludes with Enright talking to his hand, saying, “I ain’t got no fear, Lord.” Yeah, but the dude has got the crazy.

Stretch heads down to the lobby, and talks to L.G., her radio partner. Who made a house out of French fries.

Somewhere in the same vicinity, it’s time for the champion of the Texas/Oklahoma Chili Cook-Off is about to be announced. What, no barbecue this time?

At any rate, Drayton Sawyer is announced as the winner. Hey, he looks familiar. And apparently, this is the second year he’s won. He is asked for his secret. He says it’s the meat. Then he keeps talking about the meat. “I’ve got a real good eye for prime meat.”

That kind of thing.

The announcer pulls something out of her mouth that looks quite a bit like a tooth, and Drayton laughs it off as one of those hard peppercorns.

Stretch, standing in the audience, does a little lead-out thing with a microphone. L.G. is holding something that I guess is a recorder. Or a transmitter. Who knows?

Enright goes to Cut-Rite Chain Saws. They sell chocolate bunnies. No, wait, I’m sorry. Actually, they sell fish food. Forget it. You know what they sell.

Enright throws a bunch of money on a stump that’s acting as a table, and picks up one large chainsaw and two smaller ones. He doesn’t say anything. He walks outside, and the shopkeeper tells Enright to try out the saws.

Enright fires up the big one and swings it around on a log like he’s fencing it. Hey, Enright, you know what? Maybe you should go to a GUN store. Someone show this guy “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

Apparently, the proprietor doesn’t care what Enright is doing, since Enright paid in cash. All he does is stand by and say, “Oh, my kid banana.”

I did not make that up.

Over at the radio station, K-OKLA, which for some reason has a sign on the front that says “Gun Store,” Enright goes to visit Stretch. He wants Stretch to play the tape for him.

On the radio. On Stretch’s show. She says no. There are FCC regulations, it seems. Enright says she needs to bend the rules, because “the killers are here.” Although the law refuses to acknowledge this fact.

Stretch agrees to help out.

On the highway, Drayton laughs and cheers his win while driving home. His trophy is in the seat next to him. For whatever reason, he didn’t clean the chili out of the bowl on the top of the trophy. That’s going to get sloppy.

At the station, Stretch decides to play the tape, announcing it as a “special request.”

Still on the road, Drayton gets a call from someone. How did this people-eating hillbilly afford a car phone? He turns on the radio, hears the broadcast, and starts swearing into the phone.

Oddly, the radio starts playing the recording right from the beginning. I guess Stretch plays it twice in a row when she puts it on the air?

Drayton pulls off the road.

The phone at the radio station rings, and L.G. picks it up. It’s a caller who is mad about the tape. L.G. thinks that Stretch is going to get in trouble.

Meanwhile, it’s midnight, and Stretch says goodnight to all the listeners and plays “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

Stretch figures she’s going to get around getting in trouble by listing the tape as a “request,” which people complain about every night. I see.

L.G. asks if Stretch wants to go out for coffee. Stretch says no. L.G. gets mad about this. So he does some spitting while heading for the door.

L.G. leaves the building. Someone calls the radio station. Stretch picks up. No one is on the other end. Stretch goes back to filling out some paperwork, until she hears a noise. She gets up, calling out to L.G. and/or Enright.

She starts walking around the station. Through the glass, she can see that “someone” is outside the station door. Ominous music plays.

She opens the door, and walks out into what I guess is the front office. There’s a freaky dude sitting on the couch, asking to buy some radio ad-time. Stretch says they’re closed.

Freaky dude acts all freaky. In what way, you might ask? Well, he’s got a wig, and also a metal hanger. Which he warms up with a lighter, and then touches to the back of his head. He says that Stretch is his, “fave.” He’s always wanted to make a request, and he asks he can make one now. Iron Butterfly. “In-A-Vida-Da-Gadda, Baby.”

I really did type that out, just for you. You’re welcome.

Then freaky dude asks for a tour of the station. Stretch says sure. She shows him various objects (a lamp, a typewriter) and then points to the EXIT sign and says, “Tour’s over.”

Then they say, “Good night” at each other a bunch and then freaky dude asks about his request. He says he really likes Enright’s request. He asks for a copy. Says maybe Stretch could autograph it. Of course, while he’s doing all this, he’s heating up the coat hanger, pulling flesh off his head, and eating it.

Then he looks over at a bunch of shelves. Apparently, it’s the record collection. He says maybe there’s some new stuff in there, the light goes on, and there’s Leatherface.

Leatherface’s saw fires right up, which is completely impossible, since he didn’t pull the cord. But whatever. Leatherface runs at Stretch, she runs away, and he bounces the saw off the freaky dude’s head. Luckily, the freaky dude has a metal plate on/in his head.

I mean, lucky for him. Not so much for the audience.

Stretch screams, and runs, and shoots a fire extinguisher at Leatherface, and closes a metal door and locks it with a peg. I guess this is probably supposed to remind us of Part 1.

Elsewhere, freaky dude is mad that his plate got dented. He claims it’s causing him to have a ‘Nam flashback. Who is this guy, anyway? He wasn’t in the first movie. Was he off collecting firewood during the entire first flick, or what?

Regardless, he gets like a minute-long monologue talking about how he’s mad that Leatherface destroyed his wig, and also he scratches his plate with that hanger, and eats some of the flesh off his own head.

I sense deep in my soul that all this was supposed to be intercut with Leatherface running around, and they just forgot.

Leatherface, tries to cut through the door, but he can’t. Never might, say, cutting the door frame. Or going through the wall.

Freaky dude looks through all the records.

Stretch doesn’t call the cops, which would be her best bet. Also, the clock behind her says it’s 6 o’clock. She’s been standing there for six hours.

Outside, L.G. comes back to the station. He’s got coffee. The dude doesn’t give up. He sees a truck outside, and I guess he figures it’s not two murderers. So he heads in.

He sees freaky dude. Freaky dude tells L.G. to lick his plate. Then Leatherface knocks L.G. over with a chainsaw, and freaky dude beats L.G. to death with a hammer, yelling out stuff like, “Time for incoming mail.”

Yes, really.

Finally, L.G. dies, and freaky dude sends Leatherface back to the door that Stretch is trapped behind.

It seems she really does have a reason not to use the phone, as it appears she’s locked herself inside some kind of cooler. Though I can’t tell. But I can see cases of beer. And Stretch picks up what looks like the kind of thing you’d use to carry large blocks of ice.

Oh, and there’s a big tub of ice with drinks inside it behind her, which you couldn’t see until just now.

Leatherface finally leaves the metal door alone and breaks through the wall, which is made of cardboard and comes apart rather easily. Stretch kind of half-climbs up into the tub of ice, and Leatherface stabs at the ice with his chainsaw. I’m guessing it’s sort of meant to be suggestive, but mostly it’s confusing.

Stretch yells out, “Are you mad at me? How mad at me are you? You’re not really mad at me?”

Leatherface looks at her curiously. Stretch says, “How good are you?”

Leatherface, whose saw is now off, kind of rubs the saw up Stretch’s leg. She says, “Oh. Really? Are you really, really good?”

And then, “You’re really good. You’re the best.”

Leatherface starts to shake. He pulls his chainsaw back, and fires it up, and starts chopping up a bunch of random stuff, but not Stretch. She just kind of stands in a corner screaming while he chops up the radio station.

Then thrusts his saw at her a few times and runs off. Freaky dude asks if Leatherface got Stretch. Leatherface nods. There is high-fiving.

Freaky dude and Leatherface drag L.G.’s body away, but for whatever reason freaky dude doesn’t suggest that they also bring Stretch’s body along. This is what’s commonly known as a “plot hole.”

The boys (two alive, one dead) get in the truck and drive off. Stretch is worried that they’ll get away. Really, she should call the police. Instead, she gets all mad because Enright is late. Which I can understand, but she’s not handling it well.

So she decides to go outside, her in her vehicle, and give chase. What a phenomenally bad idea. There should be awards for that kind of stupid.

Sadly, Stretch appears to be the only characters in this movie who doesn’t have a car phone.

She follows the boys all the way to that Texas Battleland we saw a sign for earlier. Stretch parks herjeep in a shadowy area, and continues to follow on foot. But no, there’s a vehicle behind her. With a man wearing a cowboy hat in it! Run, Stretch, run!

Oh, wait. It’s Enright. Sorry to waste your time with that chase sequence, folks.

Stretch is standing there, yelling to Enright, when a panel in the ground opens up and drops her down a hole. Stretch yells at Enright for being late, and he admits that he used Stretch as bait, but that he’s here now.

He extends a branch to Stretch, who I guess is supposed to grab that bad boy and pull herself up out of the pit? That doesn’t seem like much of a plan, really.

Oh, I’m sorry, it’s not a branch. It’s the arm of a skeleton. And it holds up about as well as you’d think. So it snaps and Stretch falls down the hole. Which goes to a slide. Which drops her through another floor, so she does some more falling.

Enright goes back to his vehicle and gets his saws. In the next shot, he’s got the two little chainsaws in what look like holsters, and he’s got the big saw in his hand, and he’s praying:

“Oh Lord. Help me beat this stranger that walks beside me, and takes away my strength. Lord, you show me the end. Show me what I fear, so I don’t fear it no more.”

Then he screams, and runs at the gate which I guess is the real entrance to the ride where the bad guys are hiding out. Only we just saw them pull into a totally different gate about five minutes ago, so I’m not sure why he’d enter somewhere else.

Did I mention he didn’t BRING HIS GUN?

Granted, I realize the character is nuts, but he appears to have fallen off the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Shoot, he took a bunch of time to get all his weapons ready, why not GO TO THE POLICE AND BRING A SWAT TEAM?

Whatever. He goes in, and starts walking around where the bad guys aren’t. He sees some blood running down a hole in the wall. He kicks the wall, and a bunch of entrails fall out. Well, some entrails fall out, but three quick edits attempt to make it look like more.

Enright determines it’s the devil’s playground, and says he’s bringing it all down. So he fires up his saw and starts cutting beams. This is both stupid and inefficient.

Our hero, lads and lassies.

Elsewhere, Stretch wakes up. She appears to be in the meat storage unit, only it doesn’t seem that cold. All three of the guys are yelling and fighting about the fact that they don’t have enough meat. Leatherface is told to carve up what I presume is L.G.

Stretch hides in a corner behind a barrel. A barrel of what? No clue.

Leatherface carves up the body, a little bit at a time, because the flick needs to hit 90 minutes and everyone is already at the place where the final showdown is going to have to happen. Got to kill time somehow.

I’m perplexed, though. If the boys didn’t drop that panel that Stretch fell through, why did it open? And what was it for in the first place? It’s like a big long hole with a slide at the end. It makes no sense at all.

Leatherface carves off L.G.’s face and starts looking at it. Stretch accidentally knocks over some meat hooks, and Leatherface goes to investigate. He’s about to slash at her with a cleaver, but she tells him no. “No good,” she repeats, over and over.

Leatherface goes to caress her face. I’m sure this is just like Stretch’s senior prom, all over again. Only less awkward.

Freaky dude and Drayton come back in the room and blabber about needing to get some meat cut up so they can make some money. Leatherface conceals Stretch so they can’t see her.

Then the boys leave.

Stretch begs Leatherface for help. So he puts L.G.’s face over hers. She keeps trying to take it off. He stops her, and basically indicates she needs to stay put. Then he puts a hat on her.

And he starts dancing with her. This is probably less than helpful, but hey, we’re still filling time before the final showdown.

Upstairs, Our Hero cuts through a beam, and dust falls on Stretch and Leatherface. So he ties her arms behind her back and leaves her in the freezer. With the door closed.

The rope holding her arms is also tied to a pole. Oh, and on the floor? L.G. grunts and sits up. He’s not dead. Did I mention that Stretch is still wearing his face? And also the cowboy hat? That must be incredibly awkward.

I sort of wish she’d say, “Got your nose!” right now, though.

Stretch and L.G. look at each other, making weepy, sad noises. Then L.G. clears his throat, and tells Stretch not to be scared. He stands up.

Parts of his torso skin is missing, so you can see ribs. Obviously, his face isn’t all there. And other bits are gone as well.

L.G. picks up a knife and says they need to get Stretch loose. Then he cuts her ropes. Though there’s a pause of sorts, to build suspense so you’ll think he’s just going to fall over. Or maybe die. Or something.

Regardless, she gets free, and L.G. says, “I guess I’m falling apart on you, honey.” Because it’s funny, you see.

L.G. falls over onto his back. He says, “No,” twice. Then he swears and dies.

Stretch puts his face back on him, and sets his hat on his chest. Then she says, “L.G., I love you.”

Welcome to the land of Too Late. Population? Stretch.

Stretch walks out of the meat locker, or whatever it is.

In the next room, Drayton, Leatherface, and the freaky dude are running around, yelling lines at each other. I could pretend it’s all scripted, but it has the flavor of, “Hey, guys. Yell at each other about how the meat is dirty, and how you’re going to lose money, and act all freaky. We’ll edit it down to make it funny, and the movie will be 90 minutes.”

Long story short: Drayton accuses Leatherface of cutting one of the support beams, and now the meat is all dirty and they’re going to lose money.

Upstairs, Enright just keeps on sawing away at things and yelling.

Downstairs, dust falls, so Drayton does more screaming and yelling. Oh. And freaky dude thinks they should create “’Nam Land.”

Enright cuts something. Stretch screams. Drayton tells Leatherface to make sure the main butane tank isn’t damaged.

Stretch runs. Drayton sees her. But no one gives chase right away, because everyone is busy improvising.

Upstairs, Enright finds… Franklin! Or what’s left of him, and his wheelchair. He’s pretty much a skeleton now. Enright goes to touch him, and his flashlight lights up for a second. Best batteries ever.

Enright says, “Don’t you cry my brother. I’m here now. I’m here now. They can’t do this. They can’t do this.” He keeps saying that last bit two more times, and then he starts cutting beams again.

Stretch comes out of the long pipe she was escaping through. Now she’s in a long tunnel. She heads down a hall, towards Enright, but before she sees him, he starts chainsawing stuff. Fearing the worst, for obvious reasons, she runs the other way.

Unfortunate.

Suddenly, Leatherface pops through a nearby wall and does his Leatherface dance. Stretch, who has mostly been screaming these last few minutes, does more screaming and runs. Towards Enright.

Who saws something-or-other, which causes everything in front of Stretch to collapse, trapping her with Leatherface.

So she turns around and starts yelling, “All right! All right! Let’s talk about it.” Followed by a bunch of stuff that implies she’s breaking up with him. I guess it’s supposed to be funny, but mostly you just kind of think, “Why hasn’t he chopped her up yet?”

Anyway, here comes freaky dude, who has a dead body on his hand like a ventriloquist dummy, and Drayton. He figures Stretch is the one destroying all the property, and asks if Stretch has the money to pay for the damage.

He also wants to know why Stretch isn’t dead, because they told him she was dead. This leads to freaky dude chanting, “Bubba’s got a girlfriend,” over and over and over and over, because repetition is supposed to make it funny.

In turn, Drayton determines that the reason Leatherface didn’t kill her was, “S-C-E-X. You had to find out about it. You just couldn’t leave it alone.”

Stretch says, “Help me.” A lot.

Drayton tells her to be quiet, and tells Leatherface to finish her. Freaky dude suggests that Leatherface burn her like a rat. Do I need to mention he says it a lot? I don’t? Good.

Drayton says, “You got one choice, boy. Sex or the saw. Sex is, well, nobody knows. But the saw, the saw is family.”

Freaky dude knocks Stretch unconscious with a rock.

Annnd now we’re pretty much back to the end of part one. Stretch is tied to the chair at the head of a large table. And everyone is getting ready for dinner. And what does that mean?

It means we’ve got Drayton, Leatherface, freaky dude (in place of the hitchhiker) and, yep, Grandpa. Who is 137 years old, according to Drayton.

So what happens? We get a speech about meat, and the hammer comes out. Stretch screams for help. Drayton tells Leatherface to bring Stretch to Grandpa.

You know, there’s a dead dude in a chair, too. I wonder if that’s the hitchhiker.

Stretch’s head goes over the washtub. Forcefully. Grandpa gets the hammer in hand, but he keeps dropping it. Stretch screams.

I’m not sure. I think it’s supposed to be funny this time? You can tell because Grandpa is laughing.

Anyway.

He finally hits Stretch, but it doesn’t kill her. Drayton, who is clearly getting tired of waiting, also doles out a hit with the hammer. Stretch passes out. I’m guessing she’s not dead.

And then? The sound of a saw. And Enright singing, “Bringing in the Sheaves.”

Enright jumps out of a pipe and lands in front of the crazy people. He says, “Boys, boys, boys.”

Drayton, in case you didn’t already think he was crazy, offers Enright money. He seems to think Enright is from a rival catering company. Did I forget to mention that these freaks have a catering company? Maybe. I guess it’s a major plot point, the catering angle, but it’s obviously just one long people-serving-people-to-people gag.

Stretch sits up and calls to Enright. Enright fires up his saw. Drayton runs, and Enright shoves his saw into Enright’s booty.

Then Enright cuts Stretch’s ropes and tells her to, “Run, sister, run.”

Stretch runs. Freaky dude gives chase. Leatherface fires up a saw. Chainsaw fencing! Yes!

Stretch runs. Freaky dude grabs her. Stretch punches and kicks him, and then runs.

Chainsaw fencing!

Drayton gives us a short monologue about how the chainsaw, “Took care of my hems.”

Stretch runs. Freaky dude follows.

Chainsaw fencing!

Leatherface gets run through with Enright’s big chainsaw.

Drayton monologues. And also grabs the dead, dried out dude from his chair and pulls a grenade from him. Or his clothing. Tough to tell.

Grandpa gets out of his chair, and starts walking. Carrying the hammer.

Enright leaves his big saw in Leatherface, and starts fencing him with his two smaller ‘saws.

Stretch runs. Freaky dude follows her. Catches her. She kicks him, then hits him in the plate with a plugged-in lamp.

He gets electrocuted. She runs for the exit.

Grandpa throws the hammer, and hits Leatherface in the head. Leatherface falls. Drayton drops the grenade.

Offscreen, it goes boom.

Stretch gets outside, and she and freaky dude fight. She bites his ear. Climbs steps. Goes to the top of the tower, trying to get away.

Meanwhile, he cuts at her with a straight razor.

Stretch gets to the top of the tower, and sees a dead, dried-out woman. With a chainsaw in her lap. Grandma, I’m guessing.

Freaky dude catches up. He alerts her to the fact that she’s in a dead end now.

Then he starts cutting on his own neck with the straight razor. He says, “It’s like death eating a cracker.”

Stretch grabs the nearby chainsaw. Freaky dude yells out, “Don’t touch her.” And also, “Grandma!”

He then says that Stretch killed Grandma. I guess anything is possible, but she looked mighty dead when Stretch got there.

Meanwhile, Stretch is trying to get the little chainsaw going.

Freaky dude jumps at her and puts a bunch of cuts in her with his razor.

Stretch gets the chainsaw going. She stabs freaky dude with it a couple time, and knocks him off the tower. He falls for a while, and slides into a pipe and out of sight.

Stretch stands on top of the tower, screaming, and doing the patented “Leatherface at the End of Part 1 Chainsaw Dance.”

Will we see her return in part three? Eh. Probably not.

2 comments:

  1. She does return in Part III! She's a reporter in the opening scene!

    ReplyDelete